Why Am I So Exhausted?

3 Truths About Exhaustion and Living From the Past

There's a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from trying to grow in soil that was never meant for you. You can feel it in your bones - the weight of carrying memories that aren't even yours anymore, the drain of tending a life that belongs to someone you used to be. You're working so hard to make things grow, to make things work, to make yourself fit - and nothing blooms the way it should. This isn't about trying harder. This is about realizing you've been planted in the wrong place.

Here are 3 Soul Sparks for understanding what it means to be in the wrong soil, why you're so exhausted from carrying the past, and what healing actually asks of you.

SOUL SPARK #1

What does it mean to be planted in the wrong soil?

It means you're trying to grow from a foundation that was built for someone else's life, someone else's story, someone else's version of who you were supposed to be. The soil holds old trauma, old conditioning, old patterns that fed you once but now keep you small and struggling to survive. You're pouring all your energy into trying to bloom where you were planted - in relationships that ended, in identities that no longer fit, in places your soul has already outgrown. The exhaustion you feel isn't failure - it's your system telling you that you need different soil, different nutrients, different conditions to actually thrive.

SOUL SPARK #2

Why am I so exhausted from carrying memories that aren't even mine anymore?

Your nervous system is still organizing around experiences that happened years ago, decades ago, lifetimes ago - treating them like they're happening right now, right here, in this present moment. You're carrying the weight of who you had to be to survive back then, the strategies you needed, the parts you had to hide or abandon to stay safe. Those memories live in your body as tension, as hypervigilance, as the constant sense that something bad is about to happen even when your life is calm. The exhaustion comes from living in two timelines at once - trying to be present while your system is still back there, still bracing, still trying to survive something that's already over.

SOUL SPARK #3

Why does healing feel so tiring when I'm just trying to live?

Healing asks you to metabolize everything you've been holding, everything you've been carrying, everything you've been pushing down to just get through the day. It asks your body to finally process the grief, the rage, the terror that you couldn't afford to feel when it was actually happening. You're trying to live your life AND clear decades of undigested experience at the same time - of course you're tired. The tiredness isn't a sign you're doing it wrong. The tiredness is the evidence that your system is finally safe enough to stop running, to stop performing, to actually let the truth of what you've been through move through you and out.

This is what we address in BLOOM - learning to excavate yourself from soil that was never yours and replant in ground that can actually hold you. It's about releasing the exhaustion of living from the past and discovering what it feels like to root into the life you truly desire.

Xx, Shaia

Soul Sparks is part of RITUALS by Shaia - a multidimensional series of healing programs for times of change, grief, and sacred rebuilding when you are walking through transformation, rupture, and the process of becoming who you truly are.

Ready to begin? Explore RITUALS here.