Why Does it Feel Worse?

3 Truths About Getting Worse Before Better

You started the work. You're doing everything right. And somehow, everything feels worse. You're more triggered than before. More emotional. More chaotic. Your life feels like it's falling apart instead of coming together. And you're wondering: did I mess this up? Am I doing it wrong? Should I stop before I break completely? But this is the threshold - the moment right before transformation where everything you've been holding back comes up to be released. And it feels like death because in a way, it is. The old you is dying so the new you can emerge. And that process is messy as hell.

Here are 3 Soul Sparks for when you're in the mess and wondering if you made a terrible mistake.

SOUL SPARK #1

Why does everything get worse right before it gets better?

Healing brings everything to the surface that you've been suppressing - and that process feels like chaos. When you start deep work, your system finally feels safe enough to release what it's been holding. All the grief you never cried. All the rage you swallowed. All the fear you pushed down to keep functioning. It's not getting worse - it's coming up to move through. But when you're in it, it feels like you're breaking. Like you opened Pandora's box and now you can't close it. This is the threshold - the space between who you were and who you're becoming. It's terrifying because you've lost the old coping mechanisms but you haven't fully embodied the new way yet. You're in freefall and it isn't failure - it's transformation. Things get worse before they get better because the worse is what needs to come out. And once it does, there's finally space for what's real.

SOUL SPARK #2

How do I know if I'm having a breakthrough or a breakdown?

Often, they're the same thing. A breakdown is what it feels like on the inside. A breakthrough is what it becomes when you stay with it long enough to integrate what's moving through. You're having a breakthrough if: things that used to trigger you are surfacing but you're not collapsing the same way. Patterns you've held your whole life are becoming visible and you can finally see them clearly. Emotions you've suppressed for years are flooding through and you're letting them move instead of stuffing them back down. You feel like you're falling apart but there's a quiet knowing underneath that this is necessary. A breakdown without support can feel like a crisis. A breakdown with support and integration is transformation. The difference isn't what's happening - it's whether you're staying with it, getting the support you need, and trusting that something is reorganizing even when it feels like destruction. If you're asking the question, you're probably in a breakthrough disguised as a breakdown. Stay with it.

SOUL SPARK #3

What do I do when I'm in the threshold and I want to quit?

You don't quit - but you do slow down. The threshold is where most people abandon the work because it feels unbearable. But quitting now means you'll have to come back and do this again later - because what's surfacing won't just disappear if you ignore it. What you do: ground yourself. Get support. Move your body. Let yourself cry, rage, scream. Don't try to make sense of it yet - just let it move. Remember that this phase is temporary. That you're not broken, you're breaking open. That the discomfort is proof something is shifting, not proof you're doing it wrong. And you trust the process even when you can't see the other side yet. The threshold is the darkest point - but it's also the turning point. Stay just a little longer. Keep showing up for yourself. Let the people who know this work hold you through it. Because on the other side of this is the you you've been becoming all along. And she's worth staying for.

Every time you stay in the mess instead of running, trust the breakdown can become a breakthrough, and refuse to quit at the threshold - you're claiming your transformation. If you're in the middle of deep work and need support holding yourself through the chaos, this is what RITUALS and Constellations are designed for - guiding you through the threshold, holding you in the mess, and reminding you that falling apart is part of becoming whole.

Xx, Shaia

Soul Sparks is part of Rituals by Shaia - a multidimensional series of healing programs for times of change, grief, and sacred rebuilding when you are walking through transformation, rupture, and the process of becoming who you truly are.

Ready to begin? Explore RITUALS here.